So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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