There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
