I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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