my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are my feet made of real feet?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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