remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
