Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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