A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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