Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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