So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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