is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
