I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
not ubering you a puppy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
