This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
