I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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