After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize