She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
