I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
