She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
