you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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