i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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