you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
