hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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