I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
