FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
