Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
