so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
