You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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