Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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