i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
