If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
