You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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