I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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