How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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