The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize