Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
