I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
