You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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