Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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