My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
