We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
