Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The power of my boobs compel you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
