mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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