Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
