tonight lets celebrate not being married
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
