I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
