I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
