I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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