so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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