hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
