she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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