dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
