Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
