He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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