can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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