My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
