How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is the high leading the old right now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
