I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
