He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
