Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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