i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
