Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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