I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
