I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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