I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
