He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
