I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
