I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
