His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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