She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't turn off my feet"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
