Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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