I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
